its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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