Hey man sorry I got all grabby
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
