we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
