At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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