Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
