Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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