Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
do nipples grow back?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
