and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
MIDGETS
????
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
