I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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