I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
