It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
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he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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