I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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