I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
