Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
