Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
