So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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