if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
