she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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