i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
