how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
