Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
