My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
