What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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