Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
