Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
