Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
