I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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