I wish my penis had an off switch
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
