That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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