there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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