Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
