the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
