her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
