Having a random hookup so left but love u
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
