think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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