It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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