I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
