never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
