The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
soo... how was my night?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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