I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
