Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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