If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
