I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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