party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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