am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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