i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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