you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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