So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
