Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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