You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
