I will die if light touches me.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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