I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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