The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i will never coherently bang her
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
