Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
