Do vagina's smell?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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