dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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