when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
