hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
