just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
