He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
