do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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