i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
