My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just found puke in my bra..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
