The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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