new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
