The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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