im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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