Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you still have your period?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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