just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Tell her she can't have a vagina
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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