dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
