How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
