Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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