i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
