Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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