Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
