Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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