Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
