we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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